Week two is done, and I'm tired. I'm tired of studying. I'm tired of being stressed and not seeing my family. I'm tired of being tired. I suppose I've learned a few things about myself this week too. While I'm sure these lessons are ever-evolving, here are my thoughts for now:
-I'm grateful I'm in PA school and not in medical school. Now that I have a family, I genuinely want to spend my spare time with them. I'm pre-occupied 16-17 hours out of every single day, which leaves me exhausted and emotionally absent from their lives. While I can constantly try to improve on this aspect, I know that by and large - I'm unavailable all the time. I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. I'm sure with time this aspect will improve, but it will always be a burden.
- I definitely wish I had applied to PA school before I graduated. My mental fitness is subpar, so I think the program is harder than it should be. Then again, the intensity of the program might have burned me out without the break. Who knows.
-I can already tell it will be easy to forget why I am here, and what the ultimate goal is. Especially since we don't start clinicals until year three. Sometimes I wonder if I should volunteer in a clinic or something to get back to humanity. And then I laugh, because I don't have time.
-Mean girls still exist, which I consider ludicrous. I was so hoping for everyone to be grounded, salt of the earth people, but this is not the case. I can only hope they receive large pieces of humble pie throughout this program.
- Graduation day will be a huge deal for me. I want out of the program, and into the clinic as soon as humanely possible
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