I laughed as I read my last entry, because the motto of "Just keep studying" is truth. That's pretty much all I did until December. The last 2.5 months of school were HARD. I finished the semester well, but my brain was just numb from it all. One semester down!
To date, I continue to believe that PA school is the best thing I've ever done. I love (sometimes hate) the immense challenge it requires of me. It pushes me in ways I would never push myself. The experience is incredibly humbling. I stand on the shoulders of giants in medicine, and remain amazed at all they have done. I can only pray that I will contribute even a fraction of what they did to healthcare.
Next semester is two weeks away, and it's bittersweet. I'm so excited to resume my passion. But oh, do I cry at the knowledge that I will miss my sweetest little friend immensely. Our time together during the break has brought such joy to both of us. I am so proud of who she is, and I am so honored to be her momma. Prior to her, I was unsure if I would truly enjoy being a mother; I couldn't fathom the depths of love that come with having a child. Now I know that being a mommy is the greatest privilege I've ever known.
I'm praying that next semester will be better than the last for several reasons. Now that I'm conditioned to intense studying, I'm determined to make more time in the day for my family. Taking breaks are vital to everyone's health. I also need to seek the joy in the mundane that comes with constant studying. It's not necessarily my nature to look for joy in the moment. But when I do step back, I'm consistently amazed at the privilege and opportunity that is before me. I also hope to blog more. This program is zooming by, and I want to capture as much of it as I can.
Friday, December 23, 2016
Saturday, September 24, 2016
Just Keep Studying
It's almost October, which means the semester is almost over (the last day is December 2!!). Suddenly, myself and several of my peers have come to embrace a certain reality: we are making it. We are doing this thing called PA school. We are still here, still working hard, passing our classes, and enduring. December will be a milestone for us. It will prove that we survived, and that we can be successful.
Throughout the semester, we may not have always received the grades we wanted. Admittedly, receiving a lower than desired grade is a blow to our confidence, and the disappointment lingers. Somehow, we must focus on the bigger picture. We are training ourselves to be excellent providers, and to constantly strive to do more, learn more. Every day that we get out of bed and devote all of our time to studying is admirable and worthy of praise. It would be much easier to quit and go back to a more comfortable life. But our very nature is what pushed us to this point. Somehow, we must joyfully embrace the process, and be daily humbled by the great privilege of this program. Today I am preaching to the choir. In the middle of October, I''ll probably be freaking out again since we have a ton of exams, and then freak out again in December during finals. But, I have to remind myself that the anxiety stems from the deepest desire to stay here, and to become a PA. :)
Throughout the semester, we may not have always received the grades we wanted. Admittedly, receiving a lower than desired grade is a blow to our confidence, and the disappointment lingers. Somehow, we must focus on the bigger picture. We are training ourselves to be excellent providers, and to constantly strive to do more, learn more. Every day that we get out of bed and devote all of our time to studying is admirable and worthy of praise. It would be much easier to quit and go back to a more comfortable life. But our very nature is what pushed us to this point. Somehow, we must joyfully embrace the process, and be daily humbled by the great privilege of this program. Today I am preaching to the choir. In the middle of October, I''ll probably be freaking out again since we have a ton of exams, and then freak out again in December during finals. But, I have to remind myself that the anxiety stems from the deepest desire to stay here, and to become a PA. :)
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Open House and Divine Intervention
So I volunteered for the student panel for our campus open house. I figured it would be fun and I wanted to help any prospective student for our program. Ironically, I never attended an open house at any university prior to PA school. I just applied and hoped for the best.
Anyway, I listened to the advising committee as they informed the prospective students about the school's expectations, pre-requisite requirements, etc etc. And then they started to talk about admission deadlines and the interview process, and I got goosebumps.
They said that you must apply as early as possible (the application opens in May), and that the school has already reviewed the pool of applicants they would like to interview. Thus, if you submitted your application in September, you were WAY TOO LATE. They also stated that interviews start in November, and finish by January at the latest. Last year they had 1887 applicants for 75 slots.
Ironically, I didn't take the GRE until August, and I submitted my application in mid-September. I overnighted my application fee so that it was received ON the due date. And by a total fluke, my school held one last round of interviews in February. And somehow, I got in. I'm still in disbelief. I'd like to claim sheer luck for being here, but that would be too short-sighted. Yesterday was a neon yellow sign from God that He put me in this program, on this campus, for a reason. My fervent prayer is that I set the example and give all of the glory to Him. Prior to the open house I was happy and grateful to be in this program. Now I stand in awe of this opportunity, and of the future that the Lord has for us.
Anyway, I listened to the advising committee as they informed the prospective students about the school's expectations, pre-requisite requirements, etc etc. And then they started to talk about admission deadlines and the interview process, and I got goosebumps.
They said that you must apply as early as possible (the application opens in May), and that the school has already reviewed the pool of applicants they would like to interview. Thus, if you submitted your application in September, you were WAY TOO LATE. They also stated that interviews start in November, and finish by January at the latest. Last year they had 1887 applicants for 75 slots.
Ironically, I didn't take the GRE until August, and I submitted my application in mid-September. I overnighted my application fee so that it was received ON the due date. And by a total fluke, my school held one last round of interviews in February. And somehow, I got in. I'm still in disbelief. I'd like to claim sheer luck for being here, but that would be too short-sighted. Yesterday was a neon yellow sign from God that He put me in this program, on this campus, for a reason. My fervent prayer is that I set the example and give all of the glory to Him. Prior to the open house I was happy and grateful to be in this program. Now I stand in awe of this opportunity, and of the future that the Lord has for us.
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
The Physician Assistant Oath
I do hereby pledge my loyalty to the Physician Assistant profession into which I am about to enter. I will strive to apply my skills only with the utmost respect for the well-being of humanity; being ever vigilant in aiding the general welfare of the community, sustaining its laws and institutions, and not engaging in those practices which will in any way bring shame or discredit upon myself or my profession;
I will endeavor to work in accord with my colleagues in a spirit of progressive cooperation and never by word or by act cast imputations upon them;
I will not permit consideration of nationality, politics, prejudice or material advancement to intervene between my work and this duty to present and future generations;
I vow to practice my profession with conscience and dignity.
In the presence of this gathering I bind myself to this oath, making it solely, freely, and upon my honor.
I will endeavor to work in accord with my colleagues in a spirit of progressive cooperation and never by word or by act cast imputations upon them;
I will not permit consideration of nationality, politics, prejudice or material advancement to intervene between my work and this duty to present and future generations;
I vow to practice my profession with conscience and dignity.
In the presence of this gathering I bind myself to this oath, making it solely, freely, and upon my honor.
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Update
Time is really flying. I've thought about blogging several times in the past month, but I'm constantly distracted by the urgent need to study all the things all the time.
So far, things are going well. 6 exams are finished..... 800 more to go.
When people ask me how I'm doing in PA school, they ask with genuine concern and excitement to hear all about it. On the days that I'm exhausted from the rigors of the program, I smile weakly and say that I'm surviving, and that things will get better with time. On the days that my spirits are lifted by seeing decent exam scores, I'll still smile and say that PA school is really hard, but it's going to be OK. Maybe people are expecting me to talk about all of the really cool things that I'm learning, but I honestly don't have the brain power to do it most days. And more importantly, I truly want to know what else is going on in the world, since I'm clearly missing the majority of it.
On a different note, I'm really proud and grateful to be where I am. I'm proud to set the example for my kid that nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough. I'm also grateful for the knowledge that comes with higher education, so that I can better guide my children when they start to make their educational and career choices. Growing up, I frequently heard adults say that a community college is as good as a major university regarding basic courses. While that statement may be true to some degree, it's not rooted in fact, and it's not an absolute. Now that I am among my peers, it is obvious that I did not fully develop the study skills that they have to withstand the rigors of this program. Is that a deal breaker for me? No. But, it takes me longer to master the material. I don't feel victimized or disadvantaged in any way by my undergraduate education. If anything, I'm grateful to know both sides of the coin. But when my kids are prepping for college, I'll be looking closely at the math and science department of those Universities.
So far, things are going well. 6 exams are finished..... 800 more to go.
When people ask me how I'm doing in PA school, they ask with genuine concern and excitement to hear all about it. On the days that I'm exhausted from the rigors of the program, I smile weakly and say that I'm surviving, and that things will get better with time. On the days that my spirits are lifted by seeing decent exam scores, I'll still smile and say that PA school is really hard, but it's going to be OK. Maybe people are expecting me to talk about all of the really cool things that I'm learning, but I honestly don't have the brain power to do it most days. And more importantly, I truly want to know what else is going on in the world, since I'm clearly missing the majority of it.
On a different note, I'm really proud and grateful to be where I am. I'm proud to set the example for my kid that nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough. I'm also grateful for the knowledge that comes with higher education, so that I can better guide my children when they start to make their educational and career choices. Growing up, I frequently heard adults say that a community college is as good as a major university regarding basic courses. While that statement may be true to some degree, it's not rooted in fact, and it's not an absolute. Now that I am among my peers, it is obvious that I did not fully develop the study skills that they have to withstand the rigors of this program. Is that a deal breaker for me? No. But, it takes me longer to master the material. I don't feel victimized or disadvantaged in any way by my undergraduate education. If anything, I'm grateful to know both sides of the coin. But when my kids are prepping for college, I'll be looking closely at the math and science department of those Universities.
Friday, July 29, 2016
So You Don't Forget
Dear Self,
You are in the beginning stages of PA school. By the time you graduate, your thoughts and perceptions about the healthcare profession will likely be different. I want you to remember a few things while you're in the trenches.
Remember why you're here. You chose this profession because above all else, you want to serve the community. Because you value life and health, and want to instill those gifts in every single person.
You are here because you are a fixer and a doer. And a nerd. You want a career that perpetuates the servant heart of Christ.
Remember that you are not first. Put the Lord's teaching's first, people second, yourself third. Focus on this mantra every single day.
Remember your value on patient education and preventative medicine. Once you graduate, you will be able to teach and instill healthy principles in everyone. And even if only one person is compliant, that one person will teach their children, etc etc.
Remember the bond you felt as a patient with your favorite physicians. You loved her because she valued you as a person, accepted you wholly, provided education to assuage your fears. You still miss her, which is a testament to the endurance of the provider-patient relationship. She is a role model for you. Remember that eventually, you will create similar bonds with your patients.
Remember the times that you walked into valleys alongside a hurting family. Remember all of it, even the hard parts. And remember how desperately you wanted to be a part of something so hard, because even in the storm, there was companionship, trust, and hope. Remember that it was a bittersweet privilege to walk that cancer journey, and that you would do it again for anyone else.
Lastly, remember the sweetest baby you know. Remember that you are proving every day that hard work and perseverance have ultimate goals, even when they seem far away. You are proof of a passionate life that is dedicated to service.
You are here because you are a fixer and a doer. And a nerd. You want a career that perpetuates the servant heart of Christ.
Remember that you are not first. Put the Lord's teaching's first, people second, yourself third. Focus on this mantra every single day.
Remember your value on patient education and preventative medicine. Once you graduate, you will be able to teach and instill healthy principles in everyone. And even if only one person is compliant, that one person will teach their children, etc etc.
Remember the bond you felt as a patient with your favorite physicians. You loved her because she valued you as a person, accepted you wholly, provided education to assuage your fears. You still miss her, which is a testament to the endurance of the provider-patient relationship. She is a role model for you. Remember that eventually, you will create similar bonds with your patients.
Remember the times that you walked into valleys alongside a hurting family. Remember all of it, even the hard parts. And remember how desperately you wanted to be a part of something so hard, because even in the storm, there was companionship, trust, and hope. Remember that it was a bittersweet privilege to walk that cancer journey, and that you would do it again for anyone else.
Lastly, remember the sweetest baby you know. Remember that you are proving every day that hard work and perseverance have ultimate goals, even when they seem far away. You are proof of a passionate life that is dedicated to service.
Week 2.... And I'm Tired
Week two is done, and I'm tired. I'm tired of studying. I'm tired of being stressed and not seeing my family. I'm tired of being tired. I suppose I've learned a few things about myself this week too. While I'm sure these lessons are ever-evolving, here are my thoughts for now:
-I'm grateful I'm in PA school and not in medical school. Now that I have a family, I genuinely want to spend my spare time with them. I'm pre-occupied 16-17 hours out of every single day, which leaves me exhausted and emotionally absent from their lives. While I can constantly try to improve on this aspect, I know that by and large - I'm unavailable all the time. I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. I'm sure with time this aspect will improve, but it will always be a burden.
- I definitely wish I had applied to PA school before I graduated. My mental fitness is subpar, so I think the program is harder than it should be. Then again, the intensity of the program might have burned me out without the break. Who knows.
-I can already tell it will be easy to forget why I am here, and what the ultimate goal is. Especially since we don't start clinicals until year three. Sometimes I wonder if I should volunteer in a clinic or something to get back to humanity. And then I laugh, because I don't have time.
-Mean girls still exist, which I consider ludicrous. I was so hoping for everyone to be grounded, salt of the earth people, but this is not the case. I can only hope they receive large pieces of humble pie throughout this program.
- Graduation day will be a huge deal for me. I want out of the program, and into the clinic as soon as humanely possible
-I'm grateful I'm in PA school and not in medical school. Now that I have a family, I genuinely want to spend my spare time with them. I'm pre-occupied 16-17 hours out of every single day, which leaves me exhausted and emotionally absent from their lives. While I can constantly try to improve on this aspect, I know that by and large - I'm unavailable all the time. I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. I'm sure with time this aspect will improve, but it will always be a burden.
- I definitely wish I had applied to PA school before I graduated. My mental fitness is subpar, so I think the program is harder than it should be. Then again, the intensity of the program might have burned me out without the break. Who knows.
-I can already tell it will be easy to forget why I am here, and what the ultimate goal is. Especially since we don't start clinicals until year three. Sometimes I wonder if I should volunteer in a clinic or something to get back to humanity. And then I laugh, because I don't have time.
-Mean girls still exist, which I consider ludicrous. I was so hoping for everyone to be grounded, salt of the earth people, but this is not the case. I can only hope they receive large pieces of humble pie throughout this program.
- Graduation day will be a huge deal for me. I want out of the program, and into the clinic as soon as humanely possible
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